Changes That Generate New Life: When Transgender Is Not a Taboo

When I write an article, I always try to report, in black and white, not only objective data on a specific topic but also scenes from everyday life . Once observed through the renowned sociological lens, I try to outline a research design that leads me to explain what I've seen or heard. This is never easy. Those who read my articles know my approach, my style. For me, sociology is about living everyday life, analyzing dynamics of change that affect individuals. Those same individuals who, inexorably, change as they live in a society that presents us with ever-changing challenges every day. We live in a world where values ​​seem to no longer exist, where people are quick to judge without knowing the life stories of others, where certainties no longer exist, and materialism continues to dominate everything.

As I write this piece, I think back to the reason that drove me to do so. I don't just write for the pleasure of it; I also write to raise awareness among readers about certain issues that, in some respects, still seem taboo. What is still taboo today is talking about transgender people , or rather, trying to raise awareness among people about this "world" that can generate change. Transgender people are defined as those who have a gender identity or gender expression different from their assigned sex. Transgender people are sometimes called transsexuals if they seek medical assistance to transition from one sex to another. When I thought about writing this article, I had a clear idea of ​​what I wanted to convey: to raise awareness and break down the taboo that still persists around transgender people, and to do so not only through a bibliography but by quoting the words of those who have personally experienced this " transition ." What better way to explain things than to recount firsthand what one feels, what one experiences. And so I interviewed Matteo , a 35-year-old who, with great calm, emotion, and confidence, answered my questions by telling me his life story and everything that led him to become what he has always known he could be today.

When did you feel it was time to “come out”?

“I came out into the open, both to my family and to others, after about a year and a half of starting therapy . I first went to private therapy because, obviously, you find yourself in a situation where you don't know what you have, what you are. I didn't know much about gender, I was quite distant from these discussions, but obviously I had always felt a strong sense of physical and mental discomfort , ever since I was three years old.”

If you think back, since you said “always,” did you already identify with boys and not girls?

“Yes. Until you go to school and then start going out into society , everything seems almost normal, even if you always feel that sense of imbalance. It's not that you tend to adopt certain attitudes when you start going to school at three years old, even if at three years old you don't even know what it means to be a girl or a boy. You act instinctively, or almost. I've always identified with boys. It seemed strange to me that they put me in line with girls; I never went to the bathroom because I didn't want to go to the girls' one, and very often I would shit myself. At three years old, you know nothing, you don't know science, you don't know who you are, but it's your mind that leads you to act in a certain way. As I grew up, I realized that I wasn't what others thought I was. In the early years, the sense of unease is strong. I always thought I was a boy, but when you start growing up and everyone, inevitably, because society is like that, labels you a girl, because obviously they gave you that name, you have That gender because at birth, as is right, you are scientifically male or female depending on your sex. As I grew up, I realized that I wasn't a boy as I thought I was, but a girl, or rather, others identified me as a girl, because then, as I began to understand the differences between male and female, I realized that there was a lot of confusion . My mind, my brain, were those of a male, but for others I was a female. This caused me great discomfort. Until adolescence, the discomfort was only mental. Then, when your body begins to change , the greatest discomfort arrives. Your body becomes something that you fundamentally are not. However, you do everything, school, work, until you reach a crossroads and you don't know what to do. You certainly can't live as a female because you're not, not even as a male because physically you're not either, and so I wanted to understand and for this reason I decided to go to therapy . When I went to therapy, I was diagnosed with a disorder. Many confuse it with a Personality disorder, but it's actually called gender identity disorder . It's not a real illness. They're still doing studies, and the most plausible theory is that in the first months of pregnancy, there's a poor transmission of impulses between the brain and the body. It's an innate thing."

So it's like you were supposed to be born male but were born into a female's body?

“Exactly, basically it's like that. My psychotherapist explained to me very well what it was and everything that could be done. In that moment, you still go through a trauma , even if on the one hand you're happy because you have a path forward, on the other hand it's a whole new world, quite difficult and not for everyone and not for everyone. It's quite long , complicated and painful . For all those who might think that one does this journey by choice or because you feel that way, it's not true, it's a conditioned choice because if you want to live well you do it, if you want to continue feeling bad you continue like this but you don't make it long and you haven't lived. After a year and a half of private therapy, I continued this journey in a public center. In Italy today there are many that study this disorder, from counseling centers to hospitals that treat boys and girls like me. The "oldest" one in Italy is located in Rome, at the San Camillo Forlanini Hospital and is called SAIFIP (Service for the Adjustment between Physical and Mental Identity). They gave me a series of tests and exams. Clinical tests, including DNA tests. On a psychological level, they found that my brain structure is that of a male; on a genetic level, my chromosomes are exactly those of a female, and this gives rise to gender identity disorder. After a year, they issued me a report certifying this disorder, and with this report I was able to begin the legal and medical process. I also underwent a psychiatric examination, and the doctor certified that there were no other pathologies present, because it can happen that someone, in addition to having gender identity disorder, can have other problems that are not necessarily related to it, such as depression . Many become depressed because perhaps they don't have the right support, and external factors, unfortunately, play a huge role in our journey."

What feelings did you experience before and after saying you felt like a man and not a woman?

“At first, I was very scared , because you don't know how your family might react. For me, that was more important. Even though they're your parents, they're still individuals with their own minds, and you never know how they'll react. However, I never feared they'd abandon me or kick me out of the house, like my sisters or my nephews. We did a process together, including a meeting with my psychotherapist, an informational session to give them the chance to ask a few more questions and get answers from a professional.”

Who took it better or worse?

It was a surprise for me, especially for my father. I thought he'd taken it worse, but instead he supported me more. It's not that my mother didn't, but mothers, being more apprehensive, suffer more. She hid her pain to help me, but it still upset her a bit. As for the aftermath, it was easy because I had their support , and that's very important. I have many friends who have been abandoned by their family. They continue the journey, but when you don't have your mother and your father, it's more difficult. You lose a lot. When your family doesn't accept you, it's as if no one accepts you. If your mother doesn't accept you, it's the greatest rejection for a child. The process is painful and long, both psychologically and physically. You have to undergo operations. We're perhaps the only people in the world who go into the operating room smiling because they can't wait for that moment to arrive.

How were the interventions?

“Before the surgeries, I had two. You undergo hormone therapy . You start taking testosterone. My testosterone level, because women have it too, was already at a good level, and with the treatment everything changes. It's not just the beard that's the most visible thing, but when I took my hormone, my brain was freed up. You start to recognize yourself, and people start to recognize you. Your brain, as well as your body, benefits more. Italian law, until a few years ago, required you to undergo certain surgeries, otherwise you wouldn't be able to change your documents. Now everything is more liberal. I basically had to "sterilize" myself. The law says, discreetly, that if you want to change your gender from female to male, you can no longer procreate. I had to remove my uterus, ovaries, and mammary glands. They're called " demolitive surgeries ," whether you're changing from female to male or vice versa. You had to remove the reproductive organs that represented you, internally. For me, it was a liberation.”

Is it more difficult physically, having done this journey yourself, from woman to man or vice versa?

"When you remove it, it's easier from a female to a male, like I did; as for the reconstruction, it's more difficult in my case. I'll have it done in Belgium."

If you had to define the concept of gender, how would you define it?

That's a difficult question! From birth, we're all accustomed to the male and female genders. I myself, and even today, would tell you that for me, there is a male and a female gender, but it's a truly vast concept. Today, they come up with theories about gender all the time. Unfortunately, there are so many disorders. You find people with three chromosomes, with modified DNA traits who perhaps don't know it, and they reach adolescence where they don't represent themselves as either male or female and don't know where to go, they don't know what their gender is. All of this leads to new labels . With the path I've taken, I'm used to seeing boys and girls who orient themselves towards anything because perhaps they don't yet have a defined gender. There are people who remain in "transition" for life. They remain transsexual because they've evidently found their balance and are fine. These are difficult realities to explain, and in my opinion, there is no definitive theory of gender.

How did you approach the gender transition and how long did it take?

It took me about six and a half years since I started. I just slowed down for a few months to give my family time to process it. I lost more time because of the bureaucracy . I belonged to the "old system"; the first hearing went very well, I didn't even have a technical expert (court-appointed expert) because in some cases, when they don't have the "right" guarantees, they appoint an external consultant to verify that what you say is true. Fortunately for me, that wasn't the case. After the first hearing, I had the procedures done, I waited about two and a half years because there are quite long waiting lists. There is a transition phase that is very annoying, in the sense that aesthetically, I was male but the documents were "female" because there is this "interval" before the final ruling where they give you the OK to change the documents. If someone stopped me, it was a problem. The Carabinieri stopped me and thought, rightly, that those weren't my documents. I didn't have any documents that could Prove I was in this phase. The inconveniences are severe . In the meantime, I had also changed jobs, and only my boss and the person who wrote my paycheck knew about this document. I don't tell everyone my story, my life, maybe when I become close with someone, but not right away. It's difficult to explain to others also because there's little information out there and there's no respect for those going through this phase, but I'm a human being, I'm a citizen like everyone else, I pay taxes, I go to work, and everything with respect for others. I'm a Napoli fan, but I couldn't always go to the stadium because of my documents. Today the situation has changed a bit, everything is quicker, you can have the documents from the first ruling and it's a matter of a few months, whereas I spent about three and a half years with my "old" documents. You exist but you don't exist . Once you change your documents, you have to go in person to the municipality, the tax agency, and the motor vehicle department."

How were you “seen”?

"It depended on the situation: there were also those who hadn't understood anything even though it was explained to them, those who look at you differently. There's a real lack of information even in public institutions."

And how did you deal with the situation in the village?

"You lose some friends along the way, as happens in normal life. I mean, there are those who can't recognize you, but it's not the friendship that's gone; maybe it's the person who doesn't understand why you're doing that. But for the friends I've lost, I've found others from childhood; I've been compensated."

Have you been a victim of prejudice?

“Definitely. Personally, no one has ever pointed a finger at me or said anything bad, at least not to my face. If they say it behind my back, it's their fault. Putting myself in other people's shoes, because ultimately we are the people, it's something foreign. If something "strange" or new happens, I would have spoken up too, perhaps out of curiosity. People judge , even in good faith. I've gotten more positive feedback from adults than from kids my age, perhaps because, as parents, they identified a bit with mine. Many have appreciated and supported me, just as they did my parents, because it wasn't easy for them either, for example, to explain to the neighbor that your son is going through this process. I don't think I've hurt anyone, I've never done anything egregious, so I don't think anyone has ever wanted to hurt me, so I don't see why they would want to hurt me now.”

What's your relationship with religion? Has faith helped you?

The Church in general is a bit difficult on this topic. I have faith, I've never felt abandoned by God, maybe I was the one who abandoned Him for a while because fighting with yourself is never easy and you try to blame everything and find explanations. I confided in a priest, I go to Mass regularly, I confess and take communion. There are many boys and girls like me who hate the Church because there are still those who see it as something unnatural and wrong. If you go to Church and believe in the Gospel, I think no one should judge others. I live my life with respect for myself and others . I don't regret the life I've led; I've managed to do everything. My dream is to start a family of my own, even if I'm a bit skeptical; it's hard to find someone who doesn't stop at aesthetics and goes to the essence of the person. What I've definitely realized is that the surprises never end.

Filomena Oronzo