According to Bauman , “ the failure of a relationship is almost always a failure of communication .” Lasting relationships are the result of commitment and effort, therefore they are increasingly replaced by less burdensome, easily replaceable, and above all, infinite connections. In “ Liquid Love ” (2003), the author addressed the contradiction of being constantly in search of new emotions, as opposed to the need for an authentic bond: love is a factory that works non-stop, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.
I thought it was love…
It's no surprise that in Italy, in 2015, there were 91.706 separations and 82.469 divorces; while in 1995, for every 1.000 marriages, there were 158 separations and 80 divorces, in 2014, the figure rose to 320 and 180, respectively (Source: Istat). On average, separations are requested after 17 years of marriage, and divorce after almost 19 years; the average age of those separating is increasing (in separations, 48 years for husbands and 45 years for wives), the reduction in separations under the age of 30 is due to the notable decline in marriages in that age group; furthermore, those who marry with a religious rite are less likely to divorce compared to those who marry in a civil ceremony (Source: Istat). Not to mention the entry into force of Law 55/2015, which introduced a new method for requesting a so-called short divorce. This means, depending on the case, reducing the separation period required to file the relevant application and say goodbye to 6 or 12 months. Today, we are leaving more than in the past for a number of reasons, to put it simply: changing female role compared to the image of the angel of the domestic hearth, therefore a greater awareness of oneself detached from being the wife of, the need for personal statement and independence, the merchandising of feelings combined with the option of having multiple relationships and the opportunity to find someone better than the last one (i.e., "If it doesn't work out with you, move on to the next one!"). Age, sociocultural background, education, religion, sexuality, fidelity, financial situation, personal experiences, and issues also play a role. I thought it was love, but it was a carriage.
Soulmates at the table
Is there still room for a romantic vision of "forever" as a choice to be renewed daily? Some have thought of subverting the natural order of the formation of a couple: what if instead of starting from a meeting, we started directly from wedding ? This is the philosophy of television broadcasting.Married at First Sight Italy” inspired by a format already broadcast in Australia, the USA and the UK. If once upon a time, people also got married by mail order, nowadays social experiments aim to undermine the pillars of so-called logic. A team made up of a sociologist, a psychologist-psychotherapist and a sexologist-psychotherapist He conducted a casting call and matched ideal couples. Once the two soulmates have been matched (by evaluating passions, interests, and personal histories), a proper wedding is organized, complete with relatives, friends, and a wedding reception where the two will meet for the first time. Next, the most interesting aspect of the social-relational dynamic is determined: try to keep the promises of yes, clashing with everyday reality, maintaining a serious commitment to a complete stranger chosen as their other half by some experts. They have five weeks to live together, decide to stay together, or divorce. All under the watchful eye of the cameras, which assume a certain degree of influence in the social stage and media (and with related hashtags).
A word from the protagonists
From this perspective, do a group of researchers have a better ability to choose a life partner on our behalf? Does being husband and wife from the start lead to a greater commitment to such a plan? Furthermore, physical attraction is pushed into the background, at least initially. Getting married is about getting to know each other. Not the other way around. What drives good-looking, employed, and financially independent people to participate in such an experiment? Curiosity, a touch of madness, concealing a dream of love that is antithetical to the traditional. I asked a few questions to Mauro and Steven , participants in the program, who very kindly outlined their perspective. Below is the short interview.
What prompted you to participate in this social experiment? Why look for a wife on a TV show and not in real life?
Mauro: More than finding a wife through a TV show, it meant putting myself on the line within what I thought was a genuine social experiment run by industry experts. Another thing that really drove me was breaking away from the norm and doing something crazy.
Steven: I like psychology and I found the experiment intriguing . I've always seen the experiment as an opportunity and I found it very interesting that science could find a wife for me.
When did you realize you hadn't met your soulmate?
Mauro: I understood it from the first moment , seeing the movements and attitude of the woman who would soon become my wife.
Steven: After about 7 months , when I realized I no longer had the motivation to continue.
What are the factors that determine whether you should stay together or break up?
Mauro: Being together means reaching out to each other , sharing everyday life, but all without losing sight of each other . Obviously, there's a physical component at the beginning, which is very important for someone like me, but that doesn't mean there shouldn't be much more to it, just a lot more beyond just appearance. In fact, quite the opposite...
Steven: For me, in this experiment, as in all marriages, the four main elements for staying together are trust , respect , esteem , and the ability to evoke emotion ; if one of these is missing, it doesn't take much to break up.
Between social marriages and hot dolls
In three Italian editions (2016-2018), 9 couples participated, of which only one remained together, deciding to renew their vows after a year, while of 140 couples born worldwide, 90 have survived the first year, 40 the second. This means that individual factors come into play, even though on paper, or at least ideally, they are soul mates. Furthermore, among the latest trends, I mention the social weddings with live broadcasts and Instagram posts minute by minute or those who, instead of finding a wife or husband, prefer to rely on a dating house equipped with hot dolls Made of thermoplastic material, with male and female features (inaugurated in Turin). Everyone has their own preferences. Unless a couple is willing to question themselves, to overcome emotional and subjective barriers in favor of mutual stability, whether by marriage or not, "forever" is destined to be relative and fleeting. I conclude with Massimo Troisi's irony: "It's not that I'm against marriage, but it seems to me that a man and a woman are the least suitable people to get married.”. Except for happy and complicit couples.
Arianna Caccia
With a degree in Health and Lifestyle Sociology, I have a strong interest in the study and analysis of social phenomena. Always ready to learn and improve, I love reading, writing, Vasco Rossi and Rino Gaetano, and long walks in the countryside.
