When it comes to emotions and love, nothing is wrong. Homosexuality is not an illness . It's time for people, all people, to begin to feel free to love and be loved. Sometimes, however, they encounter people throughout their lives who make them feel different, making it difficult for them to accept themselves and come out openly as gay. The real battle begins when they decide to tell their parents, hoping to be accepted, because that's where they'll seek refuge. Finally, beyond the walls of their home, where their lives become truly difficult, where they're forced to fight against those who still believe there are rules to follow in love , and where the idea that, if you're gay, you're different, persists. It's therefore a constant battle against homophobia.
Follow the crowd
Racist words, provocations, and outright bullying are forced upon us by those who still live with these prejudices. The words of homophobic people are a stab in the heart of those who love people of the same sex. But what is it that makes us most afraid to reveal who we truly are? This society forces us to be who we really are not, making us grow up with the fear of not being able to be like others and of being alone. This leads most people to live and behave by pretending to be who they are not, wearing a mask to please others. The fear of being criticized, or even worse, ridiculed, causes people, especially in adolescence, to conform to the crowd in order to gain respect. This behavior leads to serious consequences: difficulty relating to others, continued lack of confidence in oneself and others, sometimes aggression, or even worse, suicide. But who decided that only heterosexuality is natural?
“ I'm gay, and it wasn't easy for me to be accepted. I went through a difficult time in my life: today, however, thanks to my family, I can overcome all the prejudice .”
These are the words of Mauro , a 45-year-old Neapolitan. And exclusively for Sociologicamente, he tells us his story and how he fought to endure the pettiness of those who still refuse to accept this reality.
Mauro, how old were you when you came out?
"I was 19 years old and had only had one girlfriend before. She was very beautiful: blonde with green eyes. We were happy together, but when I spent too much time with her, I started to get impatient. I think I was with her only to mask my true nature, because I'd always known I was attracted to the same sex, but I had trouble accepting myself and being "different," because that's how they make you feel in this world full of malice and prejudice. So I struggled to be myself, sometimes even with those who could understand me and be there for me. I feared their judgment; just one look was enough to make me start to feel paranoid and think they were making fun of me. I was 8 when I fell in love with my classmate, Massimiliano, but I always kept that to myself.".
Who was the first person you felt free to talk to?
"The first person I openly came out to was my first and only girlfriend, Giorgia. Her reaction moved me too. 'I love you, I'm happy for you,' she said through tears. She's always understood me, and that's why I've always wanted us to remain friends. The second person I wanted to tell was my mother, but I'd lost her about a year ago. I settled for talking to her photo. I knew she was there; all I had to do was look up and see the stars to feel her beside me. She was the star that shone brightest. I decided to confide this little secret of mine to my father; I spoke to him openly, without mincing words. I knew he'd understand, so it didn't take long before I told my three sisters and two brothers. My relationship with my family has always been special to me; I've always found comfort there, my refuge. Outside of home, however, my life wasn't easy: I endured bullying, criticism, and racist comments.".
How did you deal with these situations?
"Most of the time, I attacked them to defend myself, but it always ended up in a fight. I would come home with a swollen eye or a bleeding lip at least twice a week. My family helped me, they were there for me, they made me understand that it doesn't matter what these people think because it's not essential to have the respect of people like them in my life. I began to acquire another method: indifference. I smiled when they made fun of me. Unfortunately, there's still too much ignorance in Italy, and to avoid further suffering, I decided to go and live in London for several years. I've now lived in Italy for at least 10 years.".
Now that you're back in Italy, do you have the same experiences or do things seem to have changed?
"I can say that things have definitely changed today because people are more open-minded and it's more difficult for me to deal with a homophobe, although I won't deny that I recently had an unpleasant experience with a colleague of mine who used offensive words about my sexual orientation. I can say that compared to the '90s, I can now relate to almost anyone in Italy, although I would gladly return to London, where you're free from all prejudice.".
And what can you tell us about love?
"I've been engaged several times, and now I'm in a long-distance relationship with Andrea, a Neapolitan like me, who lives in Bologna where he works as a chef in a restaurant kitchen. We've been together for about two years, but I can't deny that the distance is hard, so we'll soon decide to get closer. Before being with him, I had other relationships, but I often found myself dealing with men married to women, those who are afraid to come out as gay, those who fear the judgment of others, because in this world it's not easy to be yourself. In short, my world isn't easy to live in; there are so many obstacles to overcome, constant struggles to have the same rights as straight people, and unique situations to deal with almost every day. As much as homosexuality may have been accepted, we still live in a country where to be accepted, we all have to be equal.".
So in your opinion, emancipation is hypocrisy?
"Not entirely. I certainly can't say that everything has been the same since the '70s, or that accepting change is all a pretense. But I can say that there's still a lot of ignorance in the masses of this country. Most men today are still chauvinistic, there's still the so-called "paternal boss," those who tend to manipulate women, for example. Furthermore, I also think that most people pretend to accept "people like me."".
How does this make you feel?
"It's something I've learned to accept over the years, and with experience, I've gotten used to it. There are insensitive people, and you'll always encounter them, so I've decided to face this situation calmly, always being myself even if not accepted by everyone. Or rather, not being truly accepted.".
What advice would you give to those who haven't yet come out?
"I think everyone has their own pace, but the key thing is not to be afraid of other people's judgment. So if you don't feel like it simply because you're afraid of being ridiculed, that's not a good reason. There's nothing more beautiful than being yourself. If the rights achieved by women in the 70s represent an example of social emancipation, the acceptance of gays would be a further step forward. It's necessary to understand that we are all equal in the world.".
Alessandra Federico
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Born in Naples in 90, I studied fashion, design, and graphics in Naples and journalism at the Accademia del Lusso in Rome. Writing and sharing the intimate stories of those who have suffered is a way for me to help them, with the hope that it will touch the souls of those who read it.
